shadow self

Wise Words: What to expect, Part 2

As I mentioned in What to Expect, Part 1, while personal transformation, personal awakening is just that, personal, there are some common experiences. Emotional issues, which are often things from our past getting recreated as patterns, reveal themselves so we can break the patterns, clear them out of our way and allow our grander creations to come forth. It’s helpful to see them for their truth and not come to the wrong conclusion. See their gifts!

Emotional issues are linked to change in a couple of ways that I’m aware of. They can be the cause, the impetus behind a desire for change. They also come up in the wake of change as a response.

The latter, first…

When you take a step, when you make a change, doubt, fears, worries and questions can pop up in response to your action. It’s important to remember that this is normal. Everything that isn’t a match to your change, your new creation, your step, needs to come up to be released. They come up as emotional issues, patterns, beliefs. They can’t remain because they are no longer a match to who you are and where you’re going. You’ve changed. Our tendency is to feel all this “bad” stuff come up and then come to the conclusion that we did it wrong, we made a mistake, when in fact, the fact that it’s coming up is a validation, an affirmation that you’re moving forward. Be sure to look at it all through the correct lens.

Looking at your life, your reality…exploring your story…is for the purpose of gaining awareness. When we walk around in life, unconscious, life is just happening to us, buffeting us about. We are reacting, defending, responding. We’re back on our heals and in essence feeling a need to battle life. Choosing to become aware and conscious is part of seeing yourself as the creator of your life. Life not happening to you, but you actively engage it, create it. Asking the questions that get you to insight and wisdom. Using ALL the experiences, even the “bad” ones, as a way to know who you are and who you are not.

While, it’s important to see what the patterns, issues and beliefs are, it’s also important not to over process them. The more we engage them, instead of gleaning wisdom and the clearing and releasing them, the more entrenched they become, the more they dig in. You’ll have to feel into it for yourself, but in my experience, when I’m telling a particular story about my life over and over to everyone I meet, that story, that issue is still active. There is still something to be understood and then let go of…once and for all.

The former, second…

There are many things in life that can nudge (or shove) us into the first steps of our personal awakening — a health challenge, relationship trouble, career issues, just to name a few. Something happens in our life, forcing us to snap out of our regular patterns and life cycles or jolting us out of our stuckness or rut. It causes pain, frustration, anger, some intense feeling, so we’ll pay attention.

Something deep within us is calling for more, encouraging us to step more fully into our truth. The status quo is beginning to chafe. So as sucky as it can feel, all of this serves the purpose to compel us forward, as my mom says, out of our fur-lined rut. Your life is trying to talk to you. First it throws a pebble…then a stone…then a brick…and then things start to get really dicey. (I encourage you to listen well and respond early!)

That’s the good news and the bad news. It’s a pain in the neck until you see the pattern. But having it repeated helps you to see it, so you can finally dissolve and resolve the pattern!

Processing, exploring, releasing and clearing….these are all ways to get started, but ultimately it will be about absolute trust, absolute acceptance of self, love of self, compassion for self and allowing you to be the true and authentic you. Period.

 

See the steps, take the steps…

Become aware. Once you become aware it, you can never be unaware of it again. Until then, we recreate and repeat and play out our beliefs and issues over and over again.

See it in action. Watch for it. Notice when it plays out in your reality. It’s transferrable. What you see in one relationship, you often see in other relationships or situations, from the present or the past.

Work with it. Explore it. Ask leading questions. See it from new perspectives. Use the tools available to you to support yourself. Get at the root cause, which may surprise you. The skills you learn as you go are also transferrable.

Embody the wisdom. Don’t keep it alive. Glean the wisdom. Claim the gifts. And then let the issue go. The vicious cycle doesn’t need to continue.

 

Support as you go…

You may find you’d like support with this this deep work. There are some great tools to help you through, namely the cards that Carla Berg has on her website. They’re free! They are a wonderful way to gain new perspectives on things you’ve gotten so used to seeing in one way and get at the root. Too often we deal with symptoms of issues not the source or the root. Whether you’re faced with an issue or going through a transition, there are cards to help you discover what is there, within you, that is ready to be seen. If you’re looking for more personal insight, she also does one-on-one sessions.

And if you’re up to the challenge and looking for a partner in your exploration, this is also a great time to hire a coach…like me. I am passionate about this kind of self-discovery and insight work and I honor your choice to take grander steps into you. Learn more about my practice here.

 

NINA WARMERDAM

 

Header Image:  Eyes by Robyn Britz
Footer Image:  Nina Warmerdam

 

Long Live the Queen

Since 2008, I have had the honor and privilege of working with Barbara With and her Team (www.barbarawith.com). We met in Ohio at a workshop where she was co-presenting. The work I did on myself, for myself with her support and guidance was deep, intense and transformative. Years of looking in the mirror of the world so I could see myself better. Looking at the whole picture, for what was crying out to be healed and shed and loved. Seeing the long view and remembering my power as the creator instead of the victim. I am so blessed by the amazing guidance, material and tools I’ve been exposed to from such amazing people, notably Barbara. Thanks B!

In the wake of that work, I felt a rallying cry surge up from deep within me. A proclamation of sorts. And so it is!

queen

Long Live the Queen!

To live! Truly live! To forever break this pattern of small…lack…powerless. Moment by moment. Breath at a time. Creating myself as the one I want to be. Creating a life that suits me perfectly. It is not frivolous. Or a “nice idea”. Or something to dabble in. This is important. I commit time. I commit resources. I commit energy. Every day. Each day. Beginning again. And again.

I meet those bullies and demon voices of old right where they stand. They don’t rule me. I revolve them into loving voices, sovereign voices, compassionate voices. I am the Queen, the Goddess, my own One. Those critical voices and put downs are no longer mine. In fact, they never were. They don’t belong here, no longer allowed. They have no power here. I will not carry “wrong” any more…mine or yours. The old can integrate and gift me with their wisdom. Or they can get out. But things cannot remain as they were. They can no longer wreak havoc here. The walls and bars of that prison dissolve like the illusions they are.

So…today – each day – I pick up my power. I claim my sovereignty. I stand as my own counsel and authority. There is no one above me or below me. This is my time. This is my life. This is my creation. No more unruly inmates running the prison or wounded patients running the asylum. I burn them down and return to the palace to reclaim my throne!

cat crown 3 roses crowns

 

All images found on Pinterest
Cat in Crown | Cindy Chen Photography

The Unzipping

I started a poem late in 1999. I wrote as a way to express what was inside me. It was a bit of a dark time in my life. Though it didn’t look like it in my external world, it certainly was in my internal world. I know now that I wasn’t alone in my experience. It was a potent and transformational time on the planet. The darkness I was experiencing was the shadow within. Looking back from where I am now, so much more about that time is clear. There was a balancing that was at play within me. I was beginning to know my shadow self. One of the books that helped me understand this was The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, by Debbie Ford.

“Your life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. The caterpillar will become a breathtakingly beautiful butterfly. You will no longer have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You will no longer have to prove you’re good enough. When you embrace your shadow you will no longer have to life in fear. Find the gifts of your shadow and you will finally revel in all the glory of your true self. Then you will have the freedom to create the life you have always desired.”
Debbie Ford

Recently I felt a nudge to take a look at my old writings, specifically the one called The Unzipping. Within minutes I had sharpened it, added clarity to this piece of me, my expression from long ago. I discovered deeper meanings, added layers, a stronger and more certain stance. The second nudge I got was to share it with you, so here it is. As I do, I’m wondering…

Do you remember what was happening in your life at that time? Do these words about my experience resonate at all for you? In dark times, did you have a friend who could help you to see?

The Unzipping
By Jessica L. Sackett

This coat of doubt and shame is heavy, indeed
A release from it I am in need.

The glow from my light within
Is hidden by this woolen skin.

It’s dark, like the shadow I cast
For years, walking with me, it has last.

Along you came, I quickly recognized
A thick, foggy veil shades my weary eyes.

Straight as an arrow, my thoughts you question
Leaving a distinct and correct impression.

How I see my Self, complex and mistaken
Your thoughtful solution I have undertaken.

The answer so simple, spoken with care
Simply unzip the prison you wear.

Your words ring true, clear as a bell
Unleashing me, instantly, from my contrived hell.

Now my heart is light, a heavy load lifted
My mind has cleared, my soul has shifted.

This coat of shame transforms to ash
To no one else will I pass.

To you, honor and reverence is my aim
For showing me how to cease my sentence of pain.